reminder #332

We all do and say things that are beneath us.

As always there are no loopholes. He says to be a person of class, of graciousness. Doesn't mean we condone or deny the hurt. Just respond the way He would. Like a, gulp, disciple even.

This. Is. Hard.

Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you
- not because they are nice, but because you are.
~Author Unknown


I have wept in the night

For the shortness of sight

That to somebody's need made me blind;

But I never have yet

Felt a tinge of regret

For being a little too kind.

-- Anonymous

maddie sue

She's here. Arrived 2/21/10 at 12:25 am. Weighed in at 6 lbs 2 oz. Has Kenzie's delicate, sweet face. We are thrilled.
And her mother? Doing fine. After enduring what in hindsight can only be described as a very, very hard (physically and emotionally) pregnancy she gets the medal for one tough and resilient little lady. The delivery turned scary as Doctors rushed in preparing for a c-section. But awesome Kenz, being highly motivated and sensing the urgency of a torn placenta and cord problem, pushed her out in 3 pushes. Well done, Bird. Here's to better days!


Being Grandy is a great gig. Man, I love my daughters and grand-daughters.

As always, more pics coming over at The Grandparentals.

Love is my religion - I could die for that. --John Keats

My valentine and I got a jump start on the day and exchanged chocolate and flowers last night. Good thing, that. Ld also gave me Bright Star, the tragic love story of the poet John Keats and Fanny Brawne. Viewed it late last night. Go watch it, let's discuss.

Today is our Sunday churchin’ routine of meetings, meetings, and more meetings. Not romantic but there is a love tie-in after all.
And finally, a quote that fits the day:

“The Prime Directive has been delivered to us pointedly by the Savior no fewer than three times in John's Gospel alone:

1) ‘A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I do you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye one to another’ (John 13:34-35).
2) ‘This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I do you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends’ (John 15:12-13).
3) ‘These things I command you, that ye love one another’ (John 15:17).

“…This is not emotional fluff. This is not pie in the sky, wishful thinking, or idealistic gas. Love is not some subsidiary principle that allows the weepy among us to go off on a crying jag. It's not just something thrown in for the benefit of the sisters or for the super-sensitive "artsy" types. It is not an option that may be ignored by those who would prefer not to clutter their lives with other peoples' problems. There is a grand key here, probably the grandest of them all. It is this: the heart and soul of the gospel is love, and all the rest is commentary. Whatever else we may perceive religion to be, we are wrong—for true religion is love in action—God's love for us and our love for God and for our neighbors.” (Stephen R. Robinson, Following Christ, p. 137 – 138)

Cate and Grandy. Such funsters.

Valentine's Day is just around the corner. We have taken to eating lunch festively.


And today Cate gave me this:




Oh that Cate.

I made this for Cate today. Because she is a SuperGirl!*



*Dash over to the Grandparentals for an adorable video of Cate and Megs flying.

walking the same sidewalks

It's been attributed to Albert Einstein and Benjamin Franklin and several pop psychology gurus. Doesn't really matter who, I guess, the quote is profoundly true.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

You'd think I'd figure out I can no longer eat cake for breakfast and a bag of chips for lunch. You'd think I'd learn that if something isn't working then I ought to change tactics. You'd think, huh?

Being wise is not so much hard, as it takes time. Time to learn stuff about ourselves and start to see patterns and trends in our behavior. But even then, we are all pretty dumb, insane, maybe.


A poem, then. Sometimes called Autobiography.

I.

I walk down a street and there’s a big hole. 
I don’t see it and fall into it.
It’s dark and hopeless and it takes me a long time to find my way out.
It’s not my fault!

II.

I walk down the same street.
There’s a big hole and I can see it, but I still fall in.
 It’s dark and hopeless and it takes me a long time to get out.
 It’s still not my fault.

III.

I walk down a street.
There’s a big hole.
 I can see it, but I still fall in. 
It’s become a habit.
 But I keep my eyes open and get out immediately.
 It is my fault.

IV.

I walk down a street.
There’s a big hole.
 And I walk around it.

V.

I walk down a different street.

— Portia Nelson (There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery)

The sheer amount of time I’ve spent falling into holes, floundering, trying to get out. Experiencing the frustration of finding myself in one again. Thinking I knew better. It’ s a little sad.

But I think the sadder part is realizing that the shortest chapter in the whole autobiography is the last one: I walk down a different street.

And what's that *Scott Peck says, about this avoidance, this unconscious choice to remain in our 'stuckness' as being the root of all mental illness?

I am certifiably insane, then.

*(Referring of course, to his The Road Less Traveled. Great, insightful book).

my brudder blogger

Go ahead. Click on over to this:
http://www.allabouthb.blogspot.com/
(You will be adding to his 5,000 hits a week).
This brother joins the other one in the blogosphere. They are both funny guys.

my saturday share

You will like this site, I think.
http://www.mormonwomen.com/
As a result of reading around I found new sites to be very excited about. (Courtesy Michelle Glauser's blog)

Oxford University offers free podcasts
http://podcasts.ox.ac.uk/

and this:
http://www.literature-map.com/

and finally this. The most beautiful libraries in the world. The last one shown I will be visiting sometime later this year. Yippee!

http://oddee.com/item_96527.aspx

Disclaimer

You should know by now that I use my blog for selfish reasons. It helps me sort and work through many things. If you notice my tendency to sermonize and are put off by it, then skip it. The sermons are for me. There are other blogs that are more entertaining, more hip and contain far superior writing. My blog is my blog. It is what it is.

loseth not thy cooleth

Monday found Kenz and I driving to Taylorsville to deliver a wedding cake. We left a frosting strewn kitchen and oh so carefully loaded up 4 layers of wedding cake in the Camry. I was very focused and slightly intense as this wedding cake was different from most. The bride (Kenz’s old friend) had wanted a ‘vintage’ cake ala ‘80’s style. Ivory colored with lots of ornate piping and frosting flowers on the side. I did not want it to get squashed or smashed en route as it would be a real pain to repair.


So I drove carefully and slowly. I rounded each corner gingerly and eased over the bumps with extreme caution. But the driver behind me was having none of it. He gunned his engine and sped by me to pass. Kenz informed me, “that guy is really ticked at you, Mom. Did you see the crusty he shot you?”
Well, I didn’t see the crusty per se but I did see him shake his head in exasperation and then look with angry eyes in his rear view mirror once he had passed to emphasize his annoyance.

I take great umbrage at this guys uppity-ness. I’m thinking, he’s to blame for not understanding that I’m carrying precious cargo. Why if he only knew, I think smugly, he would be humiliated at his rush to judgment.

Holy mote/beam! I wish I had a dime for every driver I have called less than respectful names or questioned their intelligence. I wish I had a penny even, for every petty annoyance I have acted on.

This is, I have come to realize, in large part because I am always in a hurry. I have to hurry to the store, hurry to the bank, hurry to church. All the time I am in a hurry. I have no patience because I am in a hurry.

This hurrying thing, this lack of patience with it’s resultant put-out-ness at life’s slightest irritants, it’s no way to live. Yet I habitually choose it. I am annoyed with the neighbor’s dog who barks, or the person in the express check out line who puts 11 items on the belt instead of 10 (and yes I counted) and ld, well, sometimes his music can really bug me.

And then today in my reading I came across this:
Col 3: 12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;

We are to bear with one another. Clothe ourselves with patience. Be long-tempered, as opposed to short-tempered which is what I am when I lose patience quickly and blow up in anger. Patience has to do with having a fairly long fuse, being able to absorb life’s annoyances without exploding in anger.

It’s interesting, when Paul talks about what life is like outside of the Savior, he describes it as an angry life. In verses 7-8 he says that outside of Christ what you find is ‘anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive language’
8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.
Lots of short tempers, lots of anger. The angry life. Get rid of such things, Paul says in verse 8. Take off all those angry old clothes, and put on compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Fruits of the spirit.

As if Paul is not enough to condemn and caution, there's this:

Thus, as I have watched myself and others, it is sobering how readily we trade inner peace for something less, for some sort of upset. How readily we take offense and then escalate disturbance around us. How easily we have unsatisfied expectations of how others should treat us or what they should be doing for us; and we grow cold or irritable to retaliate for this real or imagined slight. How eagerly we may insist on being right at the expense of precious relationships. Thus keeping the water rippling around us with negative energy, we are often not at rest, or at peace, in the principles of tolerance and love, of overlooking, of letting go, of forgiving.

I have found that when I am not at peace inside, I make trouble around me. I even look for trouble—picking at this, complaining at that, practicing abuse on my loved ones. I may yield to self-pity, which causes me to withdraw, licking my wounds, waiting for someone to fix what is really my responsibility to fix inside myself. I think self-pity may be a sin, because it functions to violate the spirit of at-one-ment and the power of faith. I have asked myself how long I could last in Zion. How long would it be before I single-handedly dismantled Zion?

--Catherine Thomas, "Zion and the Spirit of At-one-ment"

(The rest of her most excellent talk can be found here: http://maxwellinstitute.byu.edu/publications/transcripts/?id=35

coming through the rye

J.D. Salinger died Wednesday. I thought he had already died.
My first experience with Catcher in the Rye came by way of Mr.Wiseman, my 8th grade English teacher. He read it out loud to our whole class. I remember him snickering in parts (at the word fart) and breaking away from the text to ask us if we were ‘getting it’. Phonies, he snorted, the world is full of phonies.

In Junior High Honors English Kenz came home with a recommended reading list. Catcher in the Rye was listed, but optional as it contained, uh, mature themes, as in smut and sadness. In an act of bad or smug parenting I decided that Catcher would be a good book for Kenz to read. I didn’t, however, want her to read it by herself. I thought she needed guidance and discussion. So I read it to her. Out loud.

I remember reading it to her in snatches. Here a little, there a little, even while visiting Grandma Cook in Ogden. We sat on the couch and I whisper/read to her while ld and his mom were in the kitchen.

It’s true. I read Catcher in the Rye aloud to my young impressionable Kenz.

Don’t judge me.

We discussed.

"Among other things, you'll find that you're not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You're by no means alone on that score, you'll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You'll learn from them - if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It's a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn't education. It's history. It's poetry."
~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 24, spoken by the character Mr. Antolini

Howard-approved Pinto Bean diet

I ran into Kathy and Dana at Walmart earlier in the month. We chatted for over an hour near the checkout stands. Such excitement, planning for an upcoming wedding. You knew it would come up in the convo: how to look good for the wedding pics, as in how to drop pounds fast. I told them I would send them the link to the popular Tim Ferriss diet:

http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2007/04/06/how-to-lose-20-lbs-of-fat-in-30-days-without-doing-any-exercise/

Anyone brave enough to give it a go? I totally would, in a heartbeat even, 'cept, excuse me for saying, but what about all that gas?
If you have a suggestion on how to handle that, let me know.

I'm like all, liking this guy, sorta, you know?

He's spot on. Have you discovered Taylor Mali?

Speak with Conviction
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmLE2bliXCI&feature=related

This guy is awesome.

I tried to say exactly the same thing (albeit very ineptly) to my Young Women some years back in a YW activity "How to Give a Talk in Church". Wanted them to listen to themselves and pay attention to their speech patterns. Say what you think. Without all the filler ums and fluff whatevers. You know? he he he.

His website bio here:
Taylor Mali is one of the most well-known poets to have emerged from the poetry slam movement and one of the few people in the world to have no job other than that of poet. Eloquent, accessible, passionate, and often downright hilarious…

the apprentice

The last two days have been pretty busy around here. End result? This:


Wedding cakery is pretty labor intensive, and at times stressful. This year I hired an apprentice. She made things much more joyful.

today's interesting read

Last night I oriented a very bright freshman gal to her new duties in RS. She is majoring in English, hopes to be an editor someday. Her speech and thoughtful demeanor (as in we discussed many books and what we thought was good writing) reveal her to be smart, unbelievably so. I enjoyed our conversation and then this morning in a bit of synchronicity I found this:

http://www.theamericanscholar.org/writing-english-as-a-second-language/

I am all red faced hoping that I didn’t ‘latinize’ my speech in an attempt to appear on equal footing.:)

Go have a read. It’s good, stick it out to the end.

From "Writing English as a Second Language":
So what is good English—the language we’re here today to wrestle with? It’s not as musical as Spanish, or Italian, or French, or as ornamental as Arabic, or as vibrant as some of your native languages. But I’m hopelessly in love with English because it’s plain and it’s strong. It has a huge vocabulary of words that have precise shades of meaning; there’s no subject, however technical or complex, that can’t be made clear to any reader in good English—if it’s used right. Unfortunately, there are many ways of using it wrong. Those are the damaging habits I want to warn you about today.

and then this:
Repeat after me:
 Short is better than long. 
Simple is good.

Long Latin nouns are the enemy.

Anglo-Saxon active verbs are your best friend.
 One thought per sentence.

Luke 8:50

There are times when I wish a testimony really were transferrable. Oh, I know it's for the best that it can't be, but I wish it could be, sort of like a stem cell transplant. I would be first in line to volunteer as a donor. I would love to have my stem cells of belief, my 'believing blood', drip into him. It doesn't work that way. I know.

Found this tucked in my journal pages today. Loved it then, love it today. (Sorry I can't quote the source, I am notoriously bad about that).

.. like Thomas and Mary and the disciples, we all live in moments and days and maybe even longer periods of unbelief. Those times when we don’t believe, don’t trust, don’t hope and lose faith. Even though we have seen the empty tomb, even though we have heard the promise of the risen Lord, even though we have accounts of eye witness testimony, in spite of all evidence to the contrary we live a life that reflects unbelief—afraid of being taken advantage of, afraid of being fooled, afraid of being hurt. We live as though Christ hasn’t died and been raised for us and as though—in fact—it all depends on us. That in fact, we have to save ourselves.

In those times the Savior comes to us, the risen Lord but with his wounds still showing and he says, I know your fear. I know your sadness. I know your pain. And I love you, when you believe and when you don’t, when you have faith and when you don’t, when you trust, and maybe especially when you don’t. The Savior comes with his wounds and calls us back to a place of hope, a place of faith, a place of belief—where we can journey faithfully—even with all our questions.

The assurance and comfort you were asking for in our conversation last night, it's there, gb. It was there all the time. Like Dorothy from Oz, click your heels dear boy and go home. She had the ability to do it all along. So do you.

My will. His power.

Not making any new year resolutions this go round. Nope. It's the same list nearly every year anyway. Instead I plan to explore why my weaknesses remain weaknesses. That's a new angle. Maybe self-awareness can help me overcome my procrastinator-avoidant-obsessive-neurotic soul with their attendant self-destructive behaviors.

Already this year (snort!) I've figured out my problem isn't the lengthy list of habits, traits and behaviors I want to change. No, it's really just two things: Vision and Discipline. I don't have much of either. Which is why I am adopting the following mantras:

Discipline is remembering what you want.

and

It's either the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.

Oh, and willpower. Could use a bit more of that, too. Here's an interesting read from the WSJ:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703478704574612052322122442.html

Willpower, like a bicep, can only exert itself so long before it gives out; it's an extremely limited mental resource.
Given its limitations, New Year's resolutions are exactly the wrong way to change our behavior.

Willpower, the grit your teeth kind, is not enough and the lack thereof not necessarily a character flaw. So, how does all this, discipline, willpower, and weakness connect exactly? And what happens when you find yourself facing a new year with the same old habits, behaviors and attitudes? The fact that they are the 'same old' should tell us they are bigger and stronger than we are. What do you and I do now?

I am thinking that willpower is really a surrender. I offer up my will to the Savior and he supplies the power. The Atonement, not the one I thought I knew, but the one which empowers, is what I need to learn.

How to lose one or two pounds a week

The science is irrefutable.

To lose one pound a week, each day you have to dispose of 500 unnecessary calories. To lose two pounds a week, each day you have to dispose of 1,000 extra calories. You can either cut them out of your daily diet or you can burn them off through activity. To attack from both sides is better. Duh.

A simple equation, really.

I was never very good at math.

christmas 2009

One decorated tree. Finally. Courtesy of Mother's Christmas bears and lantern lights. Also note a touch of Megs, too. She made all the heart and star ornaments a couple of years back.
Speaking of Megs, run over to her blog. She posted a couple of vids of Christmas Eve. Good times.

I bribed Cate with a sucker if she promised not to touch Grandy's tree. It didn't work. She enjoyed the sucker though.




Syd snapped this of the fam earlier in the month. Again, notice the sucker Kenz is holding as she briefly snatches it from Cate's mouth. We are big on bribery here.

driving home for Christmas with a thousand memories

Yesterday afternoon.

Kenz: So what are you bringing to the extended family Christmas Eve?

Me: Dunno. Penee said it’s just munchies so I’ll probably bring taquitos.

Kenz: What did you used to have growing up Christmas Eve?

Me: Cream cheese sandwiches.

Kenz: What? How do you fix those?

Me: My mom would tint cream cheese pink and green. Cut the crusts off the bread and then spread a layer of pink cream cheese and top it with bread and do the same with the green. Then she would cut them up in itty bitty rectangles.

Kenz: Oh. Did you like them?

Me: No. No one did. But they were really pretty. I think my Dad ate them. That and the red punch served in her punch bowl made Christmas really, um, uptown festive.

Me: Christmas Eve. That was the big party. Originated with my mother’s family. They opened up gifts then and then Santa came the next morning. Santa gifts were never wrapped.

Hard as I try I cannot stop thinking about the Christmases I knew as a child. What is up with that? Like all things lately, I’m sure it’s an over 50 thing.

But! I found a new song this morning to love. It’s peppy. It’s profound. You should sing along.

Get your feet back on holy ground.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THcbQyFtCqg

still no decorated tree.

I have been working extra hard this year at this Christmas thing. I've dipped chocolates, baked gingerbread houses, and Elf'd myself. I've been playing Christmas tunes on Pandora and dutifully finished shopping.

I would flat out say 'I'm not feeling it', except clearly I am feeling something. Just can't quite put my finger on what it is. And why my non-decorated but lit up tree should come to symbolize my mood this year is beyond me. There's a metaphor in there somewhere. It's weird, I just want it to be bare this year. Still, every time I look at it I think of my mother. What must she think. This was a woman who took infinite pains with her Christmas trees, using a new theme to decorate every year. I have boxes of her ornaments sitting in the garage.

I did set up my jumbo Nativity, though. It sits atop my old piano. Yup. Not on my grand piano but on the piano I grew up practicing and playing on and the one we are storing for Meghan. It just seemed fitting to put it there.

Larry, mr. taskmaster since Thanksgiving, has been collecting old family photos and scanning them in. He’s admirably making a digital history for which we’ll all thank him one day. But looking at them, coupled with the time of year, makes me, well, a little reflective.


”Experience again the full range of emotion memories invoke. Let them play a nostalgic melody on the strings of your heart. Remember the warmth..., the comfort of kindness, the closeness of family. Think about the Christ Child in Bethlehem’s manger and the nearness of God. Blink back the tears, if need be, and swallow past the fist sized lump in your throat, but don’t quench the memories. They are a part of your history, part of the web of experience which God has woven into the tapestry of your personhood.”

Richard Exley

MoSop's music video. Here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTfoOgCubF4&feature=player_embedded#

And then in Sunday School today we watched this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLWYgMmFET4&feature=related

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

6 days left

As you can see, still no decorated tree.
What the heck is wrong with me?

too long, too forced, too commercialized

My tree is up but not decorated. Somewhere I put the big box of ornaments.

Have you seen this? Some folks at BYU put it together. Love the images:
http://www.joytoeveryone.com/en/

And this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vStl9PXWtiw
Can you tell I'm looking for Christmas spirit?

another time sink

I’m kinda liking this site, sorta like Ted (the site I mentioned this summer).
Check out Sputnik Observatory, a site dedicated to the study of contemporary culture.

http://sptnk.org/

I should be making fudge for my visiting teaching beat but here I sit being fascinated. Nothing I love more than listening to ideas.

Go have a look. Tons of conversations, and they’re short, too.
Cliff will like the UFO stuff. HB may enjoy the topic Plants Talk.

And JLW may enjoy this on gaming:
http://sptnk.org/#/conversation/7527/

http://sptnk.org/#/conversation/7355/

and then this one:

Why you don’t want to use the words “I feel” in your blog posts. You’re being monitored, people.

http://sptnk.org/#/conversation/7339/