Oh, the Wisdom of Lizzy

Jane: Why would you have me go to London, Lizzy?

Lizzy: No reason.

A change of scene and society?

(http://www.script-o-rama.com/movie_scripts/p/pride-and-prejudice-script-transcript.html)

Remember the above line, oh ye P and P fans, where Lizzy suggests visiting London as just the thing to lighten Jane’s broken heart?

We decided to ‘liken P and P unto ourselves’ and headed to Cedar City for the weekend. Good thing. A change of scene and society has indeed been just the thing to lift our ‘low spirits.’

What’s not to love about laying around in your pjs watching conference and eating Chinese food? But hey, we weren’t total bums either, we did other stuff too. We enjoyed a play, (well, more like ld endured it), drove into St. George for a little shopping (can’t wait to show you all my new frying pan purchase!) and ate some more.

Oh, and the highlight of the trip. I went for a swim in the most incredible little indoor pool. Really. The water was unbelievably warm and I had the pool all to myself. And get this: they piped in music for your enjoyment. They played Mozart and Brahms. Seriously, it’s an incredible experience doing the backstroke to Eine Kleine Nacht Musik. I enjoyed myself so much that ld considered coming to look for me. Two hours later I showed up in our room dripping and all pruned up wrinkly and so rejuvenated. Gold Gym’s should take note.

Anyway, we’re headed home this afternoon. Can’t wait as the car ride home gives me some needed reading time. I’m re-reading The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky. Great book that I so didn’t ‘get’ in Freshman English.

This trip has convinced me, ‘as we have daily proof’ that Oprah and Martha Stewart have nothing on Elizabeth Bennett. She is, like, so wise. A change is as good as a rest.

And Yet Another Birthday Song...

So, it occurs to me that maybe this years birthday tune for ld is too difficult. (See previous post) So I'm bustin' out something more familiar. That is familiar to Linds and Dana as I wrote this charming little ditty years ago and had them sing it to ld. Geez, they were just little kids and did whatever I said. Do you remember it, guys?

He always says "I don’t like messes"
when we spill popsicles on our dresses
He says "see these eyes, they’re mean eyes"
He has a gorilla named Otis and some pet flies

He likes to tease us and he'll say,
"I'm going to eat some little girls today"
But when he says "I’m going to break your arm"
Deep down he doesn’t mean us any harm.

Though you act like a tough guy,
this much we can say,
we know you love us in a very special way,

So sound the cymbals, blow the horn.
Uncle Lance we’re glad that you were born!

- end of song -

Am I a maker of catchy birthday tunes or what?

One year older and wiser too....Happy Birthday, to you!

Here’s a birthday jingle thing I wrote for ld. I was going to video tape me singing it while I accompanied myself on the accordian, but turns out ld and I are out of town. So just imagine me dancin’ around and singing my heart out. Here are the lyrics. You can sing along. Only you don’t know the tune. Just do the best you can.

L - l - l is for lover boy
a - a - a is for Apple™
n - n - n is for numismatist
c - c - c is for cs
e - e - e is for electric man

So, now you know just how it goes, it’s L and an A and an N-C-E. It spells Laannccee.
It’s an L-A-N-C-E, spells Laannccee.

(and now I hum the last phrase. I hum again and then fade out)

- end of song -

Happy Birthday, ld.

love, love you.

Medieval Tech Support

Why I have been trying out new recipes

A couple of Sundays ago at the dinner table I made the unfortunate error of recommending and sharing detailed insights about my new fav movie, Babette’s Feast. Because of the mockery suffered at the hands of JLW and B Gomer, I am reluctant to ‘cast my pearls before swine’ as it were and share my intense love for this movie publicly in my blog, but my feelings are such that I can no longer remain silent. I must recommend it to you all, no matter the risk I take in experiencing further ridicule and taunting. What can I say, some people are nincompoops.

Anyway, this movie. I cannot say enough about it as it is meaningful on so many levels such as what it means to be an artist, making choices, etc and of course, through it all run strong, powerful references to Christ.

The Christology in this film is very hard to miss and I view the story as one mostly about grace. How hard it is for people to accept it, recognize it for just how wonderful it is, or even appreciate the fact that it is offered for free and yet cost the giver everything she/He had.

This movie is in Danish (with some French sprinkled in as Babette is afterall from France) with English subtitles. The performances are superb and give new meaning to the word acting. Did I mention I love, love this film?

And just so you don’t think I am just blowing ‘artsy fartsy’ smoke, it comes highly recommended from other church members as well.

Truman Madsen said:
We watched this film years ago in the presence of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. He has written what for me is one of the clearest and most in-reaching talks ever given on the relationship of souls, symbols and sacraments. He helped me see this story as an elaborate metaphor of what the scriptures call the wedding supper ”or the marriage supper” of the Lamb. Jesus, does indeed, liken the kingdom of heaven to a wedding feast. He calls the church His bride. And when she is adorned as a bride, He, as the Bridegroom, will come in triumphal reunion. To this consummating feast the poor and the meek of the earth will be invited. It will be a feast of feasts.

You can read the rest of the talk at: http://ce.byu.edu/cw/womensconference/archive/1999/madsen_truman.htm

The story also illustrates in an unusually poignant way that lives can be transformed by sharing a meal.

Babette, once a renowned chef in Paris, fled to the Jutland coast in 1870 to escape the fighting in France. She served as chef and housekeeper for two sisters in a tiny fishing village whose inhabitants were members of a devout religious sect.

Each of the twelve who gathers for Babette’s feast is in some way troubled about choices they have made in the past: loves they have lost, roads they have not taken.

As one character puts it, We tremble before making our choice in life, and after having made it again tremble in fear of having chosen wrong.

Nevertheless, as Babette cooks and serves her feast, the food and wine become a means of grace to the troubled souls gathered around the table.

Each feels embraced by life and comforted by the company of friends.

Babette’s Feast is based on Isak Dinesen’s short story (which I found on the internet btw), which sums up the effect of the feast in this way:

Of what happened later in the evening nothing definite can here be stated. None of the guests later on had any clear remembrance of it. They only knew that the rooms had been filled with a heavenly light, as if a number of small halos had blended into one glorious radiance. Taciturn old people received the gift of tongues; ears that for years had been almost deaf were opened to it. Time itself had merged into eternity. Long after midnight the windows of the house shone like gold, and golden song flowed out into the winter air.

Every time I watch this film I weep. It inspires me, on so many levels. I would love it if at my table those who supped there found strength and warmth even if all we are having is Sloppy Joes. Good things can happen to families and individuals who make time for rituals that attend to our need for nourishment. Maybe this is because what we find in our communion around a table is sustenance that nourishes not only our bodies, but our souls as well. Geez, I wanna be Babette when I grow up.

Yeah, okay. You get it. I really, really liked this film. I am certain that you will too, that is the non-nincompoops will. It ‘s a BM club choice.

See it. I can think of very few films that are more spiritual in depth and scope.

Blog tag

I've been thinking about dumb party games. You know the ones. They are on my mind as we have a Society of Relief Board Social coming up. And it would be nice if said Social could be fun but not too lame. Tall order, I know.

In Young Women, I had this down. We played great games. Stuff like Human Lemonade, Spam Carving, Cheeto Head and Peanut butter Baseball. Great fun. Messy and gross, but it kept things lively. Somehow I can’t see our Society Sisters gettin’ into Pantyhose Golf either. Sigh. You see my dilemma.

I am stuck with boring games. Remember the one called “I Have Never” where you say something you have never done before and then everyone runs around and scrambles to find a seat if they have done it. Is that just not soooo fun? Whew Whee.

Just thinking about all that party game hilarity makes me want to play a game right now. Because there’s no more ice cream in the freezer and I’m excessively bored, er, distracted.

So. Game on. I’m calling it Blog tag and it goes like this: I name 5 unknown facts about me ( so fun and fascinating, I know) and then I run around cyberspace chasing all my fam and then when I catch you, I reach out and touch, say, Devry or Wendy or Brig, etc. And then I grab you by the shirt and squeal excitedly, ‘Tag, YOU’RE IT’.

Is that not just the funnest? Then on your blog, you have to name 5 unknown facts about yourself. You know give us all the goods. Because revealing is so much fun. And you all suffer from A.S.S, so if it’s about you, then you are VERY interested. Yup.

Here goes. Heretofore unknown stuff about me, cs:

1. My name is biblical. (See page 1380 in Holy Bible) It’s even spelled authentically.

2. I drank coffee once. In the motel room we stayed in for HB’s college graduation. I went into the bathroom, locked the door and mixed me up some brew from the coffee machine sitting on the counter. I spewed it out fast as my Mom could sniff me out and that is the only time I have ever broken the W.O.W except, of course, the time I ate some candy cigarettes from SunGold Market.

3. My secret ambition/fantasy in life is/was to write the essays in the back of Time magazine.

4. I am one of .006 tenths of the world’s population who is able to discern a distinct flavor from ice. Really. And no, ld, it’s not the same gene involving asparagus. Don’t go there. Don’t.

5. I play the accordian. Not really play, mind you, but well enough for people to make fun of me. If I really like you, I whip it out on occasion. I can do a real inspiring and reverential version of ‘Sweet Hour of Prayer’ and a lilting ‘Pokey Polka’.

6. Oh, and one more. I forgot. I threw a pair of scissors at my teacher's rump in the 2nd grade. But with good reason, mind you. I had my hand raised and she was not coming fast enough. Mrs. Shelton I am so sorry. And I am sorry you had to tell my Mom. But in my defense I had not yet turned 8. I was an unbaptized, unaccountable brat. I would never throw scissors at anyone's rump now.

There. I am fdl (falling down laughing). What a game, eh?

And now. Run run run and pant pant pant...Ha, ha ha!

YOU’RE IT, Lindsay!

Happy Birthday, Super Son in law

Last summer when Brig first showed up around here I called him "Marty Poppins". Behind his back, of course. I called him this because like Mary Poppins he just came riding down the wind one day, plunked down on our doorstep and caused quite a stir, changing our family forever. And, just like Mary, who came and lightened and lifted and made lives better just by being her, Brig has been a breath of fresh air. He is quite possibly the most optimistic, gregarious and sincere disciple of Dale Carnegie on the planet. And if all this were not enough he is also a very good husband to Kenz. Good as in holding Kenzie's head and hair back while she pukes her guts out (so admirable considering seeing someone puke makes him want to puke.) I don't know why this should be so touching to me but it is.

But what's not so touching to me is being attacked by miniature marshmallows. What was I thinking in giving you a marshmallow launcher as a birthday gift? My bad. Very bad. Of course you would actually use it and of course you would find perverse enjoyment in shooting up your mother-in-law. Still, even as I am digging spent marshmallows out of the couch cushions and out of my hair and the one stuck to my leg, I am smiling. You can be so endearing.

For all your A.S.S. tough guy ways, I know the truth about you B.Gomer. You are an amazing and wonderful and super person and we love you. Dearly.

To be sure though, next year I will get you socks.

Officially Engaged

Around 8 this evening I received the following exciting text messages.

Megs: Picture message (image of Meghan’s hand sporting a beautiful sparkly shiny diamond. I’ll let her post it on her blog)
Megs:: I’m engaged. It’s official!
Megs: Mumsie 4?
Megs: Mumsie, I’m engaged.
Megs: He proposed.
Me: So glad, as now we won’t have to take back the wedding dress. : ) I’m soooo happy for you.
Kody: Ah, thank you. Ah, thank you.
Me: I understand now why it took you so long as judging from the size of that diamond it must have taken the 7 Dwarfs a really long time to excavate it. Holy Carbon! It’s beautiful.
Megs: Mumsie, it’s gorgeous and he’s perfect.

All Hail, the Blogger King

Okay, I give. I concede ld, that you are quite possibly the fastest, most consistent, random and funniest writer of posts. You win. Satisfied?

My heart wasn’t really in the fight, anyway. But how’s about a rousing game of Balderdash this afternoon? Hmmm? I am very confident I could kick your hiney in that (and everyone else’s, too. : ) Yup.

ld (and all my ‘lil fam), the gauntlet is thrown down. A Balderdash Off it is. This afternoon. Be there.

Unless you’re too scared.

Post #4: Insights at 50

I turned 50 on Tuesday. It was a great birthday, possibly the best yet due to so many sweet birthday wishes from all my fam. Thanks for all your kind words and written memories, it meant so much. I love you all.

So, 50. It’s not really old, but it puts you on the path. And don’t go feeling sorry for me, I can deal. Growing old is a natural consequence of living, I mean what can you do? I made my peace with the old gal in the mirror long ago and I forgive my body for betraying me, it simply has no choice.

Besides, it’s really not all the sags and bags and brain fog that frustrate me. It’s just that I really thought at 50 I would be smarter, maybe even, kind of wise. You would think having lived half a century a person would be able to figure things out and life would have given up some of it’s secrets. Wrong. As someone said: “As for me I know nothing. But don’t think one can know nothing so easily. It has taken me many years.”

So, here I am at 50 now knowing that I know next to nothing. Strangely enough I like that better than the ‘perky little know it all’ I was at 35. Ewwww, I was so self righteously annoying then. Ick.

I wouldn’t go back, not for a second. And even though I admit to not knowing much there are many truths I’ve come to embrace and many, if not all of those insights and truths have come with the passage of time. It‘s a fair bargain, as vanity and cockiness and immaturity kills teachableness.

Some of you, as in my brothers and sister-in-laws, know what I mean. As we grow older, we lose the illusions of our youth and begin to appreciate things and people for what and who they are. We learn forgiveness and acceptance of our self. We are able to laugh at our weaknesses and learn an appreciation for things we miss when we are young. (Like smooth skin and  restful sleep and energy.) We develop a sense of gratitude unknown in our youth. Old age leaves us rich with gifts unattainable at any other age. (And okay I’m not that old, still I’m on a roll.)

So in honor of my being 50, here are some of my ‘truths to live by'. And I’m keepin’ it simple. But not short. (B Gomer you may want to stop reading now).

• Character matters. Enormously. The test of life is to become like our Savior, to study and practice and apply His teachings. It‘s not all theory and there are no loopholes. We simply must do what He would do and say what He would say.

• Relationships matter. I’ll say it again. They matter. The ties that bind a mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, etc. are much more profound than we can know. They are worth struggling through, and investing our time and energy on. No matter what, we don’t give up on each other. Ever. Love ties are eternal.

• Wickedness never was happiness. All sin is a form of insanity and is usually an unmet need trying to be met in an illegitimate or illogical way. Experience teaches this. ‘Nuff said.

• I don’t believe in self esteem, least not as the world views it. Self esteem comes from trying and achievement and hard work along with a big dose of service. Forget yourself totally and watch your confidence, competence and happiness soar.

• Choices. The ability to choose. Praise be for the Heavenly plan that allows for this. The underlying theme of life (and come to think of it the Harry Potter books as well) is that no matter our circumstances, talents or predispositions it all comes down to our choices. As Dumbledore says, ‘there’s the easy way or the right way and we have to choose’. Okay I’m paraphrasing. Anyway, you get my drift.

• Hard really is good. But only if there’s some joy sprinkled in. Most of us are much, much stronger than we realize. We can do hard things.

• We are what we think. So think positive. Nothing is so bad that it’s not made worse by giving into anger, despair, gloom and doom. Yeah, life sucks some times, it ain’t no crystal stair, but optimism is a better place to be. It’s the way we express and live out our faith. And it’s a very buoyant thing.

•  Read. Think. Learn. Everyday.

•  Practice your scales. Everyday. As technique gives you the freedom to be creative.

• Find your voice. Express it. Keep a journal. (Or blog:) For two reasons: 1) how can you know what you think about a thing until you write it down. Writing, however inept or feeble, brings clarity. 2) If it isn’t written down, it’s as if you don’t exist. Some day I will bust out my Mom’s and Grandma Rose’s journals for you and you will see this.
 
• Give. With both hands open. If you keep one fist tightly clenched, it’s really no gift at all.

• Stop criticizing, complaining and comparing. It makes you mean and ungrateful and vain. And it’s wasted energy.

•Take life seriously, but not yourself. Arnetts are very good at this.

• Repent. And do it as you go along. It’s easier that way. Live by grace. Keep your covenants. Embrace and apply the Atonement.

• Live a Gospel centered life. Gospel living is a process of continuous individual renewal and improvement until the person is prepared and qualified to enter comfortably and with confidence into the presence of God. He’s not teasing us with this. Eternal life, is possible. I want to merit it and be there with all of you.

 • Come unto Christ. Nothing much else matters.

Post #3: Wanna know what’s better than young love? Old, married love.

Me: Oh. My. Gosh. Your Dad is out of control! Every post is about me. It ‘s getting to be embarrassing. He really needs to get a life.

Kenz: But Mom. (Pause) You are his life.

Me: (Gulp). Yeah. (Slow smile) I know.


ld, I love 'ya.

Blog Off Reminder

Just to be clear. I still have officially until 8:04 tomorrow morning to complete my last 2 posts. It isn't over until the fat lady sings.

#2 Post: New Fam Blogs

Okay, I’m a little behind on my 4 posts, this being my 2nd as my fam won’t let me count the one where I announced the blog off. I’m behind because, ahem, unlike others I actually have a real life on Saturdays. Errands, duties, mothering, seeking after all that is virtuous and lovely. Stuff like that.

So this blog thing. It has gotten out of hand. If you could have seen us all this morning, sitting around with all our laptops, typing on our ‘one true computers.' The excitement was palpable.

And now even more good news: Megs, Kody, Brig and Kenz have all converted, too! They have seen the light and have decided to document their lives for us all to peek and poke fun at, er, I mean learn from.

You can visit them at:

http://megstaples.blogspot.com/

http://kody-boy.blogspot.com/

http://mackenziearnold.blogspot.com/

http://www.bgomer.blogspot.com/

Go on over and take a look.

Post #1 of the Post Off: Movie Review

When Lacy was here last week she recommended to me the movie Water by Deepa Mehta. I was excited to see it as I put great stock in her artistic judgments and opinions. I was not disappointed. Oh. My. What a beautiful, moving and deeply profound film. This is an Indian film with English subtitles, but don’t be scared off.

Water is definitely not a fluff film. It goes without saying I love films (books, and conversations too) that make you think or question and introspect. And this one does.

Water is about the sorry plight of Hindu widows in traditional India. It’s a film with a message but it’s not really political as it explores faith and ancient oppressive practices, and self-interest.

As explained in the film, according to ancient texts a Hindu widow had three choices; she could join her husband on his funeral pyre, she could marry his younger brother (ick!) or she could go into an Ashram (refuge) with other widows and live a life of self-denial to atone for the sin of having lost her husband. It is the third option Chuyia takes on the death of her husband in 1938. Chuyia however is only like eight or nine years old and barely remembers getting married.

The Ashram is a poor place, self-supported by the proceeds of begging and prostitution, but there is camaraderie amongst the women (who are of all ages) and Chuyia, initially, is not badly treated. The focus shifts to Kalyani the Ashram's "jewel" who becomes involved with a young political activist Narayana, a supporter of Gandhi.

I did not find this film so much an attack on religion as on particular beliefs.There was much controversy surrounding this film as the writer/director was prevented from filming in India by some Hindu fundamentalists and "Water" was eventually filmed in Sri Lanka.

This film speaks to using the practices of a society which has long passed away to defend an economic interest, or rather to excuse the abandonment by her family of a woman who has had the bad luck to lose her husband. As Chuyia asks, where is the Ashram for the widowers? Also, whatever could be said for child marriage on social or economic grounds 2000 years ago, there is no possible justification for it now.

The film as I understand it was/is banned in India and Pakistan which is so sad, as it is not easy to forget. The cinematography is incredibly beautiful, kind of reminds me of House of Flying Daggers.

I loved this film so much that I am recommending it for our BM Club. I own a copy. You can borrow it. See it. Let’s discuss.

It’s a Post Off!

ld and I are engaged in a post off. No, dearies I will spare you the conversation that lead up to this, but let’s just say there was something about ‘putting your money where your mouth is’, and ‘you can’t post everyday’ ‘can to’, ‘can not’, ‘can to’, blah blah blah.

We are so mature.

But then finally, in exasperation, one of us layed down the rules.

1. You have to post four times today.

2. One post has to be funny, one deeply profound and one about the other. The last is a free for all, poster’s choice.

So the post off is on! Starting now.

(I think this counts as a post:)

Motherhood Summed Up

For JLA: New Post Please

Ok, I know it’s been a while. What can I say, I am a lousy blogger person. But in my defense I have been busy as we finally made the pilgrimage to Nauvoo. (And yes I know that was a couple of weeks ago and this is late in coming. Quit your whining).

We visited sites I had long wanted to see: Independence, Liberty Jail, Far West, Adam-ondi-Ahman, Nauvoo, Carthage. It was both fun and faith promoting and I loved being there in person where so much happened in the lives of the early Saints. So inspiring and sobering to reflect on their sacrifices and courage.

Oddly, I have been much more reflective by way of memory of these sites than I was when I was actually there. Go figure.

Some ‘Voo Vacation Vignettes:

The senior missionary couples (although the lady who forgot to give us our token gingerbread cookie is on my list). Seriously, those old guys and gals are inspiring in their service. Who knew yodeling was a gift of the spirit? I especially loved the cute old guy at the brick making place who reminded me of Dad and Uncle Charles. He had the same gentle demeanor and quick wit.

The Nauvoo temple. Incredibly beautiful, both inside and out. Loved, loved being in the celestial room with my ‘lil fam.

Seeing Megs chat up sister missionaries at each site. So touching and sweet. So sweet in fact that I forgive you Meghan for continually texting ‘u know who’ as it was so annoying and sheesh he should have just come with us, for all the constant messaging flung across the miles. Still, I suppose it served it’s purpose as you two seem to have discovered that you can’t live without each other.

Seeing Kenz and Brig meet up in Nauvoo. B. Gomer’s been gone most of July selling in Nauvoo. Which is one reason we decided to go. We knew ‘Kenz would be unbearably mopey without him. Good call on our part.

ld going AWOL. He simply went missing. Several times. Found wandering back streets and alleys trying to find an internet connection. As he explained: My readers, all 3 of them, depend upon me to post and I can’t let them down.

The little house, or as the internet ad said, cottage, that we stayed in was charming and quaint. The owner, who calls herself, Auntie Ann, had the most amusing and interesting decorating style. Let’s just say it was eclectic. Whatever her taste in interior design, she was a sweet and thoughtful woman who left as a parting gift to us an old photograph of Old Nauvoo. This photo hung in her father’s paint store in downtown Nauvoo while he was alive and she made a copy of it for us. You must see it.

And yet again, ld’s fascination with power poles and power lines and corn fields. His unsatiable curiosity about the draw bridge and did I mention how hot, er, I mean endearing, he looked in a certain straw hat?

Dinner at Alpha’s in Fort Madison, Iowa. Some immature and slightly infantile persons (and their names begin with B and K) started throwing ice and lemon slices from their water glasses at Megs and yours truly because they said we were telling secrets and acting, shall we say, a little silly. It was so not our fault. Not, not. The reminder and reprimand that I got from our grand poobah patriarch that I was ‘for pete’s sake goin’ on 50’ was sooooo unwarranted. Hmmph!

The Pageant and the sweet lady from Iowa City who chatted me up and told me her conversion story. The wagon ride (where I took most of the pics seen over on ldsquared)

I could go on and on but then it would start to seem like a boring fireside slideshow “Our trip to Nauvoo” and having sat through far too many of those in my lifetime I won’t be so cruel. Still. It was a wonderful trip, with enough sights, sounds, feelings and memories to sustain me when my mind is prone to wander off. Which is often.

The only downside to the trip is that our 82 year old Relief Society sister passed away while we were gone and her funeral was the day after we came home. So, I was kind of busy with all that. Oh, and then Meghan fell in love. A wee bit distracting.

But Nauvoo. It’s true what they say, everyone should experience it once in their life.

There JLA, satisfied? New post from you now, please. Neener, neener, neener.

Snakes on a Plate

Yesterday, while stopped at a red light on State Street, I noticed something rather unique. A customized license plate. Now, I know, you are saying, Big Deal. Bumper stickers and personalized license plates are very common.

True. Some of them are even fairly amusing. Ones like:

I'm still a hot babe, but now it comes in flashes.

Dyslexics are teople poo.

Life is short. So buy the shoes!

Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

Hang up and drive.

Funny, no? Still, I confess to being a license plate purist/snob and am mildly proud of the fact that I have never displayed my opinions, beefs, or values on the bumper of a car. It just seems so tacky and well, kinda needy.

But yesterday caused me to rethink my beliefs in that regard as the car in front of me inspired such curiosity and interest.

What made this plate so unique was that it had a snake border. Really. There were two sculpted gold snakes framing the thing. And they looked all Egyptiany. Like two agitated cobras, to be exact. The kind of thing you might see on a Sarcophagus.

Anyway, it was somewhat perplexing. What does having a license plate with snakes on it say about a person? The rest of the car looked mainstream, no jacked up tires and no guns visible from the window. Just your average, ho hum car, unremarkable. Yawn. But it did have a Utah license plate, did I mention that? Which makes it all the more intriguing as Utah plates are fairly predictable as you might expect a Utah plate cover to boldly proclaim, R U LDS 2, or Proud Parent of an Honor Student, or Families R 4ever.

So, what gives with the snake theme?

All day I have been puzzling over this.

Maybe they have a fear of snakes. Maybe their therapist suggested this was a great way to address their fear. Makes perfect sense, display whatever gives you nightmares on a license plate.

Or maybe they want to inspire fear in others. Maybe this person is really short and puny and exhibiting snakes makes them feel, well, bigger.

Or maybe they like to eat snakes, as I heard they taste like chicken.

Maybe it’s a religious thing. The vehicles occupants are snake handlers. Or snake worshipers.

Could be they are snakeologists, er, people who study snakes. For a living. And they want the world to know.

For all my speculation I will never ever really know the reasoning or meaning behind the license plate. But it has got me thinking. If I were the type to ever purchase and display such plates what would I choose? What symbol or graphic would define me as a person and reveal to my fellow road warriors what I am all about? Good introspection exercise for all of us, eh?

Then again, maybe the mystery surrounding the snakes is the point. Maybe it‘s meant to be a puzzle, sort of like a brain teaser.

My head hurts from obsessing about this. Really, I’m done. Here is what it really means and I'm so dumb why didn't I see it: Life is a snake. Period.

I hate it when I’m out deeped.

Fish Tales and a Bed of Nails

I have a big day planned. So much I gotta do.

Tomorrow we are having a garage sale, so there’s that. And then I have a bunch of Society of Relief stuff I need to do, like teach Sunday and go over vt changes, and then fix dinner and then take dinner in. There’s also a bunch of phone calls I need to make and a couple of emails as well. Oh, and Lex comes for her piano lesson at 3:00. And then there’s the mothering thing, being nurturing and all that. You can see I have a full day.

Any one of these things on my list is enough to keep me hoppin’. But here I sit. I can’t move on account of catfish and carp.

Yesterday, I read this interesting news story about this catfish in Australia that tried to swallow a basketball. No, I am not making this up. There was even a picture of it.

Fascinating. So fascinating in fact that I shared this info with my FSIL.

Can you believe that, I say. Who knew there could be catfish big enough to swallow a basketball?

But my FSIL is not surpised or amazed at this news story. Because he is a water person and wakeboards and sky skis and stuff I listen as he proceeds to calmly explain that yes indeed, fish can be that big. My wise and oh so truthful son-in-law went on to explain in solemn detail about the amazing catfish and carp lurking at the bottom of Lake Powell. How they grow to incredible size, as big as boats in some cases, and eat people. Only not to worry they don’t eat people who are alive, like in the movie Jaws, but only eat up the ones who have drowned. That is why their bodies are never recovered.

That can’t be true, I say.

But my FSIL is calmly yet resolutely adamant.

True. All of it, he says.

And because I have such confidence and trust in my FSIL and know he would never, ever, like flat out lie to me, I believe this.

Who knew and why did I never know this? I mean this is vital info to know, as in if I had known this earlier I would not have gone boating with you on Tuesday. Sheesh, FSIL.

The relevance of all this newly discovered information is that I have been googling and surfing the ‘net to learn more about his claims. Because knowing the potential size of catfish and carp is a higher priority right now than my garage sale or my ministering in the Society of Relief. Or brushing my teeth.

Anyway, I found some fascinating stuff but as always is the case I found something even more fascinating along the way—a new website to love, called How Stuff Works.

I have spent the last few minutes learning how it is possible for a person to endure a bed of nails.

Oh. And my FSIL. He told me a big whiffee. Shocker, I know. Which just goes to show why I had to google him originally.

To My Daughters: All You Need to Know About a Man Before You Decide to Give Your Heart to Him

Kenzie and Brig have moved in with us for the summer and with Meghan home our family circle is complete. I confess to loving this. It is great to have them all so near — as in under the same roof. Although we don’t really see Meghan all that much as she is not one to sit at home. She has been busy socializing (nothing new here) and dating. And hanging out. And dating some more. And while she pronounces all her dates as ‘not serious’ I am in full ‘alert Mother mode’, which is code for ‘time to whip out The List’.

Megs, is afterall, a catch and as I have now more experience with the whole ‘daughter falling hopelessly in love thing’ (thank you B. Gomer) I must be bold and act quickly. (Yes, Megs, I know. You have no intention of getting serious yet. I am drawing unwarranted conclusions. Marriage is the farthest thing from your mind, okay I get your point).

Still. Love often strikes when least expected and I intend to be ready. So here’s The List:

1. Watch to see how important the Lord is in his life. Is his life gospel centered? What’s the depth of his commitment to the Savior and His church?

√√2. Do a background check — just to be on the safe side. Perverts can pose as spiritual dudes. (For example check the Utah Sex Offenders Registry) And yes, I did do a background check on Brig and no I’m not ashamed as I have been doing this regularly since my girls were in High School.

3. Watch him drive in heavy traffic.

4. Play tennis with him (or some other competitive sport). This reveals several things. Like is he a hot shot big shot jock or is he a gentleman jock. Big difference.

5. Listen to him talk to his mother when he doesn’t know you’re listening.

6. See how he treats those who serve him (waitresses, ushers, maids, clerks, etc)

7. Notice how and for whom he spends his money. (Tithing is a huge issue)

8. Look at his friends.

9. See how he reacts when he’s tired, cranky and hungry.

10. Notice what makes him cry.

11. Notice what makes him stressed out. Does he get mad easily?

12. See if you can stand him when he’s all stinky and sweaty. Is that a smell you could live with?

13. What ticks him off? How does he respond to stress?

14. Notice if he’s comfortable saying the words, I’m sorry.

15. See if you have at least 3 things in common. (One of them better be your commitment to the Lord, the other two don’t really matter)

16. Notice subtly how he rates on the emotional maturity/character scale (that’s another quiz entirely, see me for further details).

17. See if you can make a list of 8 things you like and admire about this person (Body parts don’t count. If you can’t come up with 8 things to start with then move on).

18. Does this person have a track record of excellence in his pursuits? (Well, this is negotiable. Tries at least).

19. Does he have enough interests to make him interesting? (Like, I dunno, reading, dissecting bugs, race walking, origami, stuff like that).

20. No B.O. Check out hairiness level especially on the back and preferably no warts (well the ones on the feet are okay but yikes to the ones on the back) and no Weebies on the teeth.

21. Who does this person most want to be like and why?

22. Then finally remember 3 more really important things to know about him (well, other than how well he loves the Lord)
1. Is he kind? 2. Is he kind? 3. Is he kind?

When you get these questions answered to your satisfaction then you might, I say might be ready to give up bits of your heart. Note: All the above applies to yourself as well. So take these questions and then point the finger to yourself.

Prospective suitors be forewarned. Your FMIL is a formidable gatekeeper. No one gets by me and steals my daughters hearts without serious worthiness and effort. Jerks need not apply.

CS Fortune Cookies

So for dinner I’m eating a Chicken Teriyaki bowl from Hogi Yogi. Yeah, I know fast food. Bad, bad. Eating this reminds me of JLW and his total mastery of chopsticks. Which reminds me of how much I enjoyed our fam Chinese food dinner last Friday night with Lexie as our waitress. Which now reminds me of those cookies of fortune and how I have always secretly wanted to be a writer of fortunes on account of my love for little sayings and profound proverbs. In fact, even as I speak, er, write this I am overcome with such intense desire to write some. Only not those lame ones you sometimes get like:

It is better to deal with problems before they arise, or A smile is your personal welcome mat, or You love Chinese food.

Sheesh. Lame.

No. I am interested in writing personalized messages. To those I love. I think I’ll write some now. And while some of them aren’t entirely original the sentiments come from my heart.

To:

HB: Maybe you can live on the moon in next century.

My Russian Bro: I pee'd in your rice. (Okay, okay, not original, but funny, no?)

Chea: Moo Goo Guy Pan you are some kind of Lamb!

Eloise: The truth is in the diaper. (Thank you, Celine Dion)

JLW: You can depend on the trust of the collective.

BGA: He who tends his monies, has monies to tend.

Linds: You R 2 cute.

LDW: Skooch on over, baby.

And finally to our Jeff and Pam: All great and enduring relationships are tested by separation ; )

Last Email from Soeur Walker

Subject: The end.
Date: May 28, 2007 9:32:32 AM MDT

Allo family!

Well, this is it. My last e-mail as a missionary. Boo! :-( But...let me first tell you about the amazing last couple of days I've had. They have been jammed with tender mercies and I feel like they've brought perfect closure to a perfect mission. :-)

Saturday morning we had English class as usual. Usually on Saturdays it's just Jean-Guy and Michel, who come pretty regularly. They've been coming for a year or so. Anyway, they're so freakin' hilarious and just really cute old men. As usual, we start and finish with a prayer, but usually they're too shy to say it. But, at the end of the class Saturday, Michel said that he would offer the prayer. It was so simple and so cute. Then, immediately after ending the prayer, he said that he had prepared something for me. He proceeded to read a little 'goodbye wish' he had written out in English. Heart melting!

Then, Jean-Guy said he had prepared a prayer for me too. So, he offered a prayer to our Heavenly Father thanking Him for the service I had rendered and other things and then asked Him to watch after me for the rest of my life. I only share this because it did something to me. I felt at peace with my mission and the things I have done here in Quebec City.

Then, Sunday was probably the picture perfect last Sunday anyone could ever ask for. Ly came to church and of course loved it as usual. But, in Sunday School she raised her hand to make a comment on faith and how we must experiment to make it grow. She then went off to explain that she had so many doubts in her head before she met us. She mentioned that she still has a few doubts but that she appreciates the strong, firm testimony that we share with her and the invitation we give her each time to pray to know for herself. Tender mercy!

It gets better…Linda and her entire family came to church as well. A complete family. A husband and the 3 cutest kids ever! It was a huge miracle because they live an hour and a half away from the church. Everyone loved it! Oh family, I'm soooooooooooo sad to be leaving this family that we found!

Anyway, words can't do these last few days justice. I suppose it will always remain like that. No one will ever really understand the experiences I've had. Experiences that are so unique to me and my mission. But, I suppose it's better that way. I will always keep them dear to my heart.

So, the last little while I've been thinking about all that I've learned, how I've changed, the experiences I've had, etc. So, in honor of this last e-mail as a missionary, I want to share just a tiny portion of that…

The healing power and reality of the Atonement:
Christ truly did suffer it all for us (Alma 7:11). I've come to realize that the Atonement works in everyday situations and not just for grievous sins. It's not enough to just have faith in the Atonement, but we must use it.

We are in control of ourselves. No one can make us do anything. It's always a choice we make. We can choose to be happy, or sad. We can choose to get up again after falling so hard or we can choose to give up. But I can tell you the incredible joy found in getting back up (in using the Atonement). It's never too late to change. After all, that's exactly what this life is about; progressing and becoming like our Father in Heaven—perfect! But, how will we ever be capable if we never use the Atonement?…we won't!

Prayer:
God is always willing and ready to grant us miracles and give to us freely, blessings on the condition that we ask (3 Nephi 14:7-8). I imagine Heavenly Father to be so patient (among many other divine attributes of course). I imagine He longs to give us every star in the sky, every treasure in the ocean, and every joy to be found but He cannot if we never come unto Him, and ask. Seems so simple, eh? Then, why are we so slow to act?! I've seen many prayers answered simply because one of His sincere children have asked in faith and He freely gave. God's love for His children is real. I've felt it for myself and for others (especially for His children here in Quebec). He knows us so perfectly.

The Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ:
Wow! Do you realize what this means?! So much! There's not enough time to go into detail but just think of what our unique message to the world is. Isn't it incredible?!?!? I can also tell you that I've seen this message change lives and the reason: BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!!!

The Gift of Agency:
This one took me a little longer to accept. :-) I struggled at the beginning of my mission with why people would reject the truth. But, I've come to better understand how vital free agency is to God's plan…we make choices all day, everyday and the choices we make determine our destiny.

The Power of Love:
No one can reject or at least they have an awfully hard time rejecting someone who sincerely loves them.

Of course there are THOUSANDS of other things I've learned and want to share with you but alas, I only have an hour for e-mails. But, most of all, when all is said and done, I will walk off that plane this Thursday and be able to say, I get it. Words cannot sum up all I've learned, experiences, or even all that has been engraven so deeply on my heart. It's true, I will NEVER regret serving a mission. Something extraordinary takes place when we serve the Lord with all our heart, might, mind and strength!

I'm still that same missionary that entered the MTC 18 months ago. Only, perhaps now, I seem to appear slightly different; perhaps aged by all these life altering experiences.

I've found my testimony more so than ever and it's written so profoundly on my heart that I can never deny it. This is what life is about. The gospel is true! Joseph Smith did see God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ on that Spring morning. And with a firm testimony of the reality of that vision—everything else falls in place. The church was restored by the power of God. God Lives. Jesus is in fact the Christ.

I know these things because they have been so firmly written on my heart by the Holy Ghost and that is a sure witness I cannot deny. It's true what Elder Ballard said, A mission is the greatest education in the world. They say a mission changes a person—and that it did.

…the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith…
(2 Timothy 4: 6-7)

I love you family! Keep on keepin' on…I`ll be home soon. :-)

Love,
Soeur Megs

Last letter to our 'Lil Missionary

May 28, 2007

Hello Meghan and yes iamsoexcittedabouutyoucominghome!!!!! I can’t wait to hold my Megs again. Still, with all this excitement at your return it is a little, well, bittersweet. I feel on a small scale what you must be feeling—happy/sad, maybe a little weepy. All normal emotions, given the circumstances.

Have I mentioned often enough how proud I am of you and your goodness? Your decision to serve has been the very best thing for you as it has been a defining, refining and unique time in your life. You will never be able to recreate it and I am so happy that you were able to have this formative experience. And what an experience.

When you sit across from someone and you have to not simply explain but demonstrate the value of your religious system, it really causes you to question what value you do find in it, no?  At that moment, when trying to communicate across cultural boundaries, it strips away a lot of things.  And it really does come down to that notion of testimony. Either you are able to testify in the name of the Savior and by the Holy Spirit such that it can be understood by someone else, or you can’t.  You can and have testified, Megs. You have openly declared your witness of the Savior and His gospel. Of all the things a mother hopes for her children, that witness, that assurance tops the list.

Also, Megs, a mission strips the gospel down to simplicity, don't you think? A missionary learns those fundamental principles of our faith—repentance, baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost. I’m sure you saw this, probably a lot. And having seen it over and over again, well, it requires you to change.

I guess what I’m trying to say, Megs, (and this is something you already know well, but bear with me)—is it's a particularly humbling experience out there. Not only because there’s a lot of rejection, but you are stripped down to just you and the message, and the message is, if you read this book and pray about it, God will tell you it's true.

Then you stand with and by that person until they try it and if it doesn't work, then it's still OK; you just move on. But that experience, in terms of a coming-of-age experience, it changes you. If we all didn’t realize it then, we for sure know it now, that that change coupled with a new understanding of the dynamics of faith and its power is worth what ever sacrifice. It’s more than a fair exchange—18 months and look at the return.

So, well done my darling daughter. Pat yourself on the back. What you have done is huge and God will remember your service. You will never regret having served and we will never regret having sent you. You and your family will reap the blessings of having served for the rest of your life.  

Now get home, girl. Your fam needs you. Especially your Mama.

Love, love, love you.

Until Thursday,

Mom

P.S. We all sat around last night excitedly discussing your arrival, you know, stuff like who gets first hugs, who will pick up the Cafe Río on the way home, important stuff like that. We even role played a little. But, ahem, just to be clear, first hugs go to the woman in the Levi skirt, with her matching Payless sandals. If that doesn't give her away, then look for the proudest Mother there, the one with tear stained cheeks :-)

FAQ

1) Why don’t you update your blog more frequently?

Well, I’m not quite certain for sure yet, but I think I am quite possibly a bum. Oh , and I am easily distracted.

2) Why are you so easily distracted?

Don’t know, but I am. It’s like a gene thing, I guess. Not only do I have A.S.S. but also apparently A.D.D.
This is evidenced by the fact that a few months back I went to church and I’m doing the ‘shake hands and greet the sisters’ thing. Only one sister keeps staring at me rather intently. Her brow is all furrowed up, and she keeps pumping my hand like crazy. I’m like panicking, thinking, “What! Do I have a booger flapping or a stray nose hair, er, what, what is it?’
I’m all self conscious now. So I quietly slip into the ladies room and check myself out. The mirror reveals the problem.
Turns out I had only applied eye make up to my left eye that day. Yup, my left eye had mascara, carefully drawn on eyeliner and smoothly blended eyeshadow.
The right eye had nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

I was , literally, wearing the face of distraction that day .
This is what happens when you answer a phone call in the middle of your make up session.
Word to the wise: Stay focused, ladies. This applies to playing checkers, applying cosmetics and blogging.


3) What is your favorite color?

Yellow. I love Yellow. Yellow is an unfathomable and complex color. While it’s true I never wear yellow and nothing in my house is painted or covered in yellow, I do love this color. On account of Yellow being so deep and all. I mean , like, is Yellow square or round?

4) What size shoe do you wear?

Funny you should ask, as I was just thinking about how shoe size tells a lot about a person.
My left foot is a size 7 and my right is a 7 1/2. Although before I had babies I was a size 6 1/2, in both feet.

5) So, why are you so, like, er, well, messed up?

A valid question and one I have pondered and puzzled over for nearly 50 years. I think I have finally found the answer.
See: Arnetts and their A.S.S.

I never stood a chance.